I would insist on tongue and groove not only does it it ensure the boards are the same height( and stay that way) so you are not tripping over the lips on them but it locks them together. Your guy lost his credibility with me at the statement that redwood is harder. Maybe drier and more stable to humidity and moisture changes but not harder. I put down the softer woods on floors all the time. Here in East Tn. a popular choice is actually a yellow pine plank( with the tongue and groove
)Over time the little dents give it a rustic character that is popular in cabins. Hope this helps
Jack L.